This week’s podcast is all about feeling stuck. In this episode, I unpack what it means to be stuck, why you might be feeling stuck, and most importantly, how to get un-stuck.
If you’re feeling stuck in your own relationship with your body and self-worth, investing in coaching can truly be a life-changing experience. Together we can identify where you’re stuck, where you want to be, and how you are going to get there. Think of coaching like a container for growth, with me holding your hand every step of the way. Click here to book your free clarity call with me.
Before diving into the main dish, I read a powerful letter I received from my friend, which leads into the topic of need to perform and the fear of ‘letting yourself go.’ For dessert, I share Amanda Bucci’s relationship insights from her recent blog post on polyamory.
The Need to Perform & The Fear of Letting Yourself Go
For the appetizer this week, I received a letter from a friend talking about her own journey with food and some of the big realizations she’s had since listening to my podcast. If you want to hear me read the letter, you can listen to the episode above.
Something that came up in the letter (and commonly comes up with clients) around the relationship with food is the idea of performance:
- Performing perfection
- Performing having it all together
- Performing emotional stability
- Performing thinness
…And the list can go on. It begins in childhood- if other people can’t see our baggage, and as long as no one talks about it, then it’s fine.
The thing is, it’s not fine. The idea that you always need to be in control prompts the need to perform and to always ‘have it together.’ When you hold the need to perform so tightly, feeling your feelings and allowing yourself to have a chaotic relationship with food feels like you’re ‘letting yourself go.’ If that’s your standard, any less than that will prompt feelings of being unsafe and unworthy.
Feeling safe comes from having it all together. When you try to control food, your body, and the people around you, you’re really searching for safety and love. This makes it scary to give yourself unconditional permission to eat- especially if you worry what other people might think.
It’s all rooted in your beliefs: the only reason you believe ‘letting yourself go’ is a bad thing is because that’s what you’ve been taught.
Letting yourself go is pretty damn cool. The beauty in it is that you were never holding onto anything tangible in the first place. Letting go is an acknowledgment that you aren’t in control, and that’s okay. It frees up your time from doing all the things you feel like you ‘have to do’ or ‘should do’ and allows you to do what you want to do.
If enjoying food and accepting your body requires you to ‘let yourself go’ and others judge you for that, remember it’s them who have the problem, not you.
Why We Feel Stuck
Feeling stuck is something that everyone has dealt with at one point or another. It’s like hitting a wall- one that prevents you from getting where you want to be.
There are 7 reasons why you might feel stuck:
1
You don’t even know where you’re going.
- If you haven’t identified what you want your relationship with food or your body to look like, it’s going to be a lot more challenging to get there.
- To get unstuck: paint a clear picture for yourself of what a normal relationship would look like and how it will play out in your life.
1. You don’t even know where you’re going.
- If you haven’t identified what you want your relationship with food or your body to look like, it’s going to be a lot more challenging to get there.
- To get unstuck: paint a clear picture for yourself of what a normal relationship would look like and how it will play out in your life.
2
The way you’ve been trying to reach your goal isn’t working.
- This one tends to come up around developing good habits and breaking bad ones. Sometimes, the way you’re approaching the goal needs tweaking.
- To get unstuck: develop a routine around introspection. Ask yourself why you even want that goal, what you need to do differently to get there and find a way to do it that’s a little more intuitive and natural.
2. The way you’ve been trying to reach your goal isn’t working.
- This one tends to come up around developing good habits and breaking bad ones. Sometimes, the way you’re approaching the goal needs tweaking.
- To get unstuck: develop a routine around introspection. Ask yourself why you even want that goal, what you need to do differently to get there and find a way to do it that’s a little more intuitive and natural.
3
You’re repeating the same patterns over and over again.
- This usually means there’s still something to learn, or that you need to develop your skills more before you can move on from that behavior.
- To get unstuck: instead of looking at your repeated behaviors as failures, ask yourself: “what can I learn from this?”
3. You’re repeating the same patterns over and over again.
- This usually means there’s still something to learn, or that you need to develop your skills more before you can move on from that behavior.
- To get unstuck: instead of looking at your repeated behaviors as failures, ask yourself: “what can I learn from this?”
4
You’re trying to control too much.
- If you try to control your recovery and put timelines on your health, you’re going to keep running into walls and getting stuck.
- To get unstuck: let go of your expectations and control. Let things happen on their own timelines and agendas, and release attachment from how you’re going to get to that goal.
4. You’re trying to control too much.
- If you try to control your recovery and put timelines on your health, you’re going to keep running into walls and getting stuck.
- To get unstuck: let go of your expectations and control. Let things happen on their own timelines and agendas, and release attachment from how you’re going to get to that goal.
5
The way you see yourself is getting in the way.
- Come at your relationship with your body from a place of respect so it doesn’t get in the way of what you need to do in life.
- To get unstuck: question the way you believe you can live your life in the body you have right now. Open the doors to the possibility that you can do everything you want in the body you have.
5. The way you see yourself is getting in the way.
- Come at your relationship with your body from a place of respect so it doesn’t get in the way of what you need to do in life.
- To get unstuck: question the way you believe you can live your life in the body you have right now. Open the doors to the possibility that you can do everything you want in the body you have.
6
There is external pressure that is holding you back.
- If there’s something that’s pushing you away from your goal, even if you keep trying to reach it from different angles, sometimes it means you just need to walk away.
- To get unstuck: if the strategies from #3 aren’t working and you keep hitting that wall, it means it’s time to say goodbye and pursue another path.
6. There is external pressure that is holding you back.
- If there’s something that’s pushing you away from your goal, even if you keep trying to reach it from different angles, sometimes it means you just need to walk away.
- To get unstuck: if the strategies from #3 aren’t working and you keep hitting that wall, it means it’s time to say goodbye and pursue another path.
7
You have too much going on.
- If you have too many distractions, you’ll get overwhelmed and you won’t be able to move successfully towards what you want.
- To get unstuck: prioritize what you truly want and forget the rest.
7. You have too much going on.
- If you have too many distractions, you’ll get overwhelmed and you won’t be able to move successfully towards what you want.
- To get unstuck: prioritize what you truly want and forget the rest.
Being stuck doesn’t feel good. It’s uncomfortable. It can make you feel like you’re alone, lost, useless, hopeless, and the list goes on. It might bring out your inner child-like behaviors like blaming, isolating, lashing out, or victimizing yourself.
Give yourself permission to be uncomfortable. Stop fighting the stuck. It will fight back! Create space for those feelings by:
- Going outside
- Talking to friends
- Doing something else
- Questioning it.
Ultimately, the feeling of being stuck means you’re on the verge of learning something game-changing about yourself.
Embrace the stuck.
Dessert: Amanda bucci’s blog post on polyamorous relationships
Recently I read an article posted by Amanda Bucci announcing her polyamorous relationship and explaining how it helped her evolve in a lot of ways. I won’t link to the article until the end because her website does have fitness/weight loss content on it (she’s mostly a business coach who started in the fitness industry), but I do want to talk about it.
For those who don’t know, polyamory is the practice of pursuing romantic relationships with more than 1 partner, with the consent of everyone involved.
While polyamory might not be for everyone, Amanda described what she’s learned about relationships from her polyamorous relationship. Her take on relationships was refreshing- she wrote that relationships are containers for growth; they are built on the foundation that they aren’t meant to fit into a box because we don’t know how ourselves, or the relationship, will evolve.
Evolving means growth and growth leads to vulnerability. People get so terrified of vulnerability that it’s impossible for them to learn about themselves and about each other. If something in a relationship is making you uncomfortable, you have 2 choices: either it’s not working and you leave, or you heal what’s going on inside you in the safety of the relationship.
For Amanda, polyamory has forced her to face her vulnerability and grow within the relationship more than she thought possible.
This post was transcribed and edited by Brittany Allison. You can find her on Instagram @brittybfit.
Mentioned in this Episode:
- Amanda Bucci’s Polyamory Blog Post (warning: if you go to Amanda’s page, she does talk about fat loss and fitness. If you’re feeling vulnerable or are easily triggered, it may be best to not view her content.)
- Learn more about the Jumpstart to Food Freedom coaching program at: whitneycatalano.com/food-freedom
- For a chance to have your listener question answered on the pod, or if I said something that needs correcting, you can email me at podcast@whitneycatalano.com
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